Flash Review: Godzilla 
Is it Gareth Edwards’s, like, goal in life to bore people to death or am I just immune to his “charms”? After Monsters and now this, I am almost convinced he’s spearheading a special project to put everyone in the world to sleep simultaneously via celluloid. It takes a special kind of talent to make a film about giant monsters wrecking shit up and have it be as boring as a Béla Tarr coloring book. And it’s dark. Not in a mysterious and challenging kind of way, but in a “I can’t see anything/why does every fight have to take place at night?” kind of way. Juliette Binoche and Bryan Cranston are solid in all-too-brief appearances, Sally Hawkins and Elizabeth Olsen go to waste in thankless roles and Aaron Taylor-Johnson is (once again) miscast. Granted, there are sudden jolts of energy and a few interesting stylistic flourishes here and there, but I should not be thinking about what I’m gonna have for breakfast tomorrow during a monster epic, dammit!